#DanesandBrains | Pt. 2

My first #DanesandBrains post delved into my plans for the future, how I think Denmark will play a major part of that and my goals in regards to the culture and the people. This post seeks to be more introspective and address some fundamental life lessons that I would like to learn while in Denmark.

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Many of you do not know this, but I am only 18 years old. For the past two years of my college-career I have been living life as a fraudulent 18-year-old; my brain living in one age and the rest of my soul living in another. Some of these thoughts were shared in the post I wrote right before I entered college two years ago, so I will refrain from delving into them too deeply, but some things have still been left unsaid.

| Embrace Adulthood - Brains | 

Now that I am 18, I can not just pretend to be an adult anymore. Rather, I am one. I truly noticed a difference within myself when I turned 18. It's hard to explain, but it is almost as if something previously hidden within the depths of my soul suddenly revealed itself and changed how I thought about myself in regards to the world. I no longer have to cringe when someone finds out my age and either starts heralding me as the next Doogie Howser or treats me differently. I no longer have to hope that I will be accepted by my friends who are all older than me. Ultimately, I no longer have to question the reason that God led me to go to college at such a young age. I have reached that age where I am considered my own person and am given the reins of life.

I am not used to thinking about myself in terms of an actual adult since I faked it for so long. It will take time and serious effort on my part to realize and accept that I am strong and confident and am not to be taken for granted or looked down upon. Having been brushed off by many people who have made snap judgments about who I am based upon my age, I know this will be difficult to overcome.

A subset of being an adult means making decisions when things may or may not be clear. Over the past few months I've realized more and more that I am a black and white type of person. Give me goals, expectations, and instruction and I will go above and beyond the call of duty to meet those goals. Give me choices and options and I struggle to even make a decision because each option presents a different set of results. This all ties in to my fear of failure and the depths that I go to avoid even getting close to failing. In the past, it has bothered me that differences of opinion in the church are not clearly defined in the Bible. There are some grey areas and as a logical person who wants a clear directive and focus, I have struggled with this and still do. Lately, I have seen this manifested in my life within the smallest aspects. Just yesterday I was picking up some hamburger buns from the store for a 4th of July BBQ and I called my Mum twice to make sure that I was buying the right ones so I wouldn't disappoint her, waste money or waste time. It is a good quality to want to do things right the first time, but it is not a good quality to want everything to be one clear, straight decision where I can't make a mistake. That isn't how life works.

I am learning that life is not black and white. A few years ago photography was my thing; I still enjoy taking snapshots of life and photography has taught me many lessons. Black and white photographs were never my favorite. They seemed to lack a depth, clarity and warmth that color pictures so naturally possessed. Like those black and white photographs, life is dull and shallow when we cannot make choices representative of who we are as a person. We become robots in a pre-programmed world.

Living abroad this fall I am not going to have the support network of my parents, my close friends, and my church family; I will be alone in a sense. My tendency has always been to turn to others for their opinions whether it be about a biblical issue or what hamburger buns to buy at the store. In Denmark, I will be forced to make those decisions on my own. I may not know what to do and I certainly will fail time and time again. However, through the process I know I will grow as a person be the strong, confident adult I want to be and ultimately learn to rely on God more than any other time.

--GeneticGinger